The Gift of Facing Your Financial Reality: Finding Hope in Honest Numbers This Holiday Season

The holiday season brings many traditions—decorating, gathering with loved ones, exchanging gifts, and reflecting on the year behind us while looking toward the year ahead. But for many people, it also brings something less pleasant: financial stress.

Credit cards get maxed out buying presents. January brings bills for December's generosity. The new year arrives with financial resolutions that feel overwhelming before they even begin.

This year, I want to offer you a different kind of holiday message—one inspired by my recent work with people courageously rebuilding their financial lives after significant setbacks.

The greatest gift you can give yourself this season isn't another purchase or resolution. It's something far more valuable: the courage to face your financial reality honestly, and the hope that comes from finally knowing the truth.

The Couple Who Kept Canceling

Through my pro bono work with a local charity, I've been meeting with people working to rebuild their financial foundations. One couple's story has stayed with me throughout this holiday season.

They kept canceling their appointments with me—four times over two months. When we finally connected, the reason became clear: They were terrified of what they'd discover.

"We know something's wrong," the wife admitted. "The credit cards keep growing. There's never enough in the checking account. But as long as we don't actually look at the numbers, we can keep telling ourselves it's not that bad."

They had five children, one income, and mounting debt they couldn't quite see the edges of. Not knowing felt safer than knowing.

I understood their fear completely. But here's what I've learned after three decades in financial planning: The fear of knowing is almost always worse than the reality of knowing.

Once we finally sat down together and went through their actual numbers—income, expenses, debts, everything—something unexpected happened. Yes, the situation was challenging. But it wasn't the catastrophe they'd imagined.

More importantly, once they could see the real numbers, we could create a real plan. We identified exactly how much additional income they needed monthly to stop the debt spiral and start moving forward. We found expenses they could reduce. We mapped out a timeline for getting back on solid ground.

For the first time in months, they had hope—not because their situation had changed, but because they finally understood it clearly enough to address it.

The High Earner's Secret Shame

Financial avoidance isn't limited to people facing hardship. During my years in the energy industry, I watched high-earning professionals live the same pattern with bigger numbers.

They'd rack up huge debts—$50,000, $75,000, sometimes more—buying new cars, taking expensive trips, purchasing the latest technology and luxury items. "I'll pay it off when my bonus comes," they'd tell themselves.

Then the bonus would arrive, and instead of paying down debt, they'd buy more stuff.

When I asked if they knew their total debt or monthly cost of living, the answers were usually vague: "I don't really track it that closely" or "I probably should look at that."

One colleague confided in me during the holidays: "I make really good money. I should have this under control. But I'm actually one surprise expense away from serious trouble, and I'm too embarrassed to ask for help."

The irony? His substantial income meant he could have solved the problem relatively quickly with proper planning. But shame kept him from facing the numbers honestly, so the problem continued growing.

Why We Avoid Financial Reality

There are understandable reasons people avoid looking at their financial situation:

Fear of confirmation: "If I look, it will confirm how bad things are, and then I'll have to deal with it."

Shame and embarrassment: "I should have this figured out by now. What's wrong with me?"

Feeling overwhelmed: "Even if I know the numbers, the problem feels too big to solve."

Loss of hope: "What's the point of facing it if I can't fix it anyway?"

Relationship stress: "If my partner and I actually discuss this, we'll just fight about it."

Protection of current lifestyle: "If I really look at the numbers, I'll have to make changes I don't want to make."

These feelings are completely normal and understandable. But they're also keeping you stuck.

The Paradox of Financial Truth

Here's the paradox I've observed repeatedly throughout my career: The act of facing your financial reality—even when that reality is difficult—almost always provides relief and hope.

Not because the numbers magically improve when you look at them. They don't.

The relief comes from several sources:

1. Replacing Vague Anxiety with Concrete Information

Vague worry is exhausting. You carry this background hum of financial anxiety everywhere, never quite knowing how bad things really are.

When you finally look at the actual numbers, you replace that vague worry with specific information. Even if the news is challenging, specific problems can be solved. Vague anxiety just drains your energy without producing solutions.

2. Regaining a Sense of Control

Financial avoidance creates a feeling of helplessness—like you're a passenger in a car careening toward disaster with no ability to steer.

The moment you face your numbers honestly, you reclaim the driver's seat. You might not like the current location or the route you need to take, but you're no longer helplessly along for the ride.

3. Discovering It's Not As Bad As You Feared

Often—not always, but often—the reality is less catastrophic than the imagined worst-case scenarios running through your mind.

Yes, you might have more debt than you'd like. Yes, you might need to make changes. But you're probably not facing bankruptcy or total disaster. And knowing that provides relief.

4. Creating the Foundation for Real Solutions

You can't fix what you won't face. Every solution begins with honest assessment.

Once you know your actual income, expenses, debts, and assets, you can create realistic plans. Before that, you're just guessing and hoping—which rarely works.

The Holiday Gift of Clarity

This holiday season, I want to encourage you to give yourself the gift of financial clarity. Not as punishment or self-flagellation, but as an act of hope and self-care.

Here's a simple process you can complete during the quiet days between Christmas and New Year's—a gift to yourself that will change how you enter 2026:

Step 1: Gather Your Information (30 minutes)

Pull together:

• Last 3 months of bank statements

• All credit card statements

• Any loan statements (car, student, personal)

• Most recent pay stubs

• Any other income sources

You're not analyzing yet—just gathering. This step is simply about having the information in one place.

Step 2: Calculate Your Monthly Income (10 minutes)

Add up all income sources:

• Regular paychecks (after taxes)

• Side income or freelance work

• Alimony or child support

• Social Security or pension

• Any other regular income

Calculate your average monthly take-home income.

Step 3: Calculate Your Monthly Expenses (60 minutes)

Go through those bank and credit card statements and add up:

• Housing (rent/mortgage, property tax, insurance)

• Utilities (electric, gas, water, internet, phone)

• Transportation (car payment, insurance, gas, maintenance)

• Food (groceries and dining out)

• Insurance (health, life, disability)

• Debt payments (credit cards, loans)

• Subscriptions and memberships

• Personal care

• Entertainment and recreation

• Everything else

For expenses you pay quarterly or annually, divide by 12 to get the monthly amount.

Add 5% to your total to account for things you inevitably missed.

Step 4: Calculate Your Total Debt (20 minutes)

List every debt:

• Credit card balances

• Car loans

• Student loans

• Personal loans

• Any other money you owe

Add up the total. Also note the interest rate on each debt.

Step 5: Face the Truth (10 minutes)

Now the moment of truth. Compare your income to your expenses:

If income exceeds expenses: You have surplus to work with. Calculate how much monthly surplus you have and decide how to allocate it (debt reduction, emergency fund building, retirement contributions, etc.).

If expenses exceed income: You have a monthly deficit. Calculate the specific gap. This is the number you need to address—either by increasing income, reducing expenses, or both.

Step 6: Share with Someone (Optional but Powerful)

If you have a partner, share what you've discovered. If you're single, consider sharing with a trusted friend or family member, or a financial professional.

Keeping financial reality secret gives it more power over you. Sharing it—even just the fact that you've faced it—begins removing that power.

What Comes After Facing Reality

Once you've honestly faced your financial situation, what comes next depends on what you discovered:

If You're Doing Better Than Expected

Congratulations! Now you can make informed decisions about:

• How much emergency fund to build

• How much to allocate to debt reduction

• Whether you're on track for retirement

• What financial goals to pursue next

Having clarity lets you optimize rather than just survive.

If You're Treading Water (Income Roughly Equals Expenses)

You're not going backward, but you're not building security. Focus on:

• Finding even small amounts to redirect toward emergency fund or debt reduction

• Identifying expense reductions that won't significantly impact your quality of life

• Exploring income increase opportunities

• Preventing the drift toward deficit spending

Small improvements compound over time.

If You're Running a Deficit (Expenses Exceed Income)

This requires more significant action, but now you know the specific gap you need to close:

Immediate priorities:

1. Stop adding to credit card debt if possible

2. Identify essential vs. discretionary expenses

3. Calculate how much income increase or expense reduction you need

4. Create a realistic timeline for addressing the gap

Action options:

• Reduce discretionary expenses

• Find additional income sources (side work, part-time job, freelancing)

• Negotiate better rates on existing expenses (insurance, phone plans, etc.)

• Consider debt consolidation to reduce interest rates

• Seek guidance from a financial professional or credit counseling service

The gap isn't permanent—it's just your current starting point for improvement.

The Couple's Holiday Transformation

Remember the couple with five children who kept canceling appointments? After we finally faced their numbers together, they created a plan:

The husband would take on weekend work for six months to close their monthly gap. They identified $400 in monthly expenses they could temporarily reduce without major hardship. They set up automatic minimum payments on all debts to stop late fees and credit score damage.

A few weeks ago, just before the holidays, they sent me an update. The husband's additional work had brought in enough to stop their debt from growing. They'd negotiated better rates on their car insurance, saving another $60 monthly. And most importantly—they were sleeping better.

"We're not out of the woods yet," the wife wrote, "but we can see the path forward now. That's the best gift we could give ourselves this year."

They weren't celebrating because their financial situation was suddenly perfect. They were celebrating because they'd stopped avoiding reality and started addressing it.

That's the gift of facing truth: not that everything suddenly becomes easy, but that you finally know what you're actually dealing with.

A Different Kind of New Year's Resolution

January typically brings unrealistic financial resolutions: "I'll save $10,000 this year!" or "I'll pay off all my debt!" These often fail because they're not grounded in honest assessment of current reality.

This year, I'm suggesting a different resolution: "I will face my financial reality honestly and create a realistic plan based on what I actually discover."

This resolution requires courage, not just willpower. But it's achievable regardless of your current situation. And it's the foundation for every other financial improvement you might want to make.

The Hope Found in Honest Numbers

I want to be clear: I'm not suggesting that honestly facing your finances will solve all your problems immediately. It won't.

What it will do is replace fear with information, helplessness with agency, and vague anxiety with specific action steps.

Some of you will discover you're in better shape than you feared. Others will confirm that things are challenging. But all of you will know the truth—and truth, even difficult truth, is the starting point for real solutions.

After 30 years of helping people with their finances, I've learned that the people who succeed aren't necessarily those who start with the best situations. They're those who face reality honestly, create realistic plans, and persistently work their plans over time.

The journey begins with facing what's true right now.

Your Holiday Homework Assignment

Between now and the end of the year, complete the six-step process I outlined above. It will take about two hours total—less time than you'll spend wrapping presents or watching holiday movies.

Give yourself the gift of knowing where you stand financially as you enter 2026.

If what you discover feels overwhelming or you're not sure what to do with the information, that's okay. Facing reality is step one. Creating and implementing solutions is what comes next—and you don't have to do it alone.

A Final Holiday Thought

This season, we celebrate hope—religious hope, hope for peace, hope for renewal as one year transitions to another.

Financial hope doesn't come from wishful thinking or avoiding reality. It comes from honest assessment followed by realistic action.

Whatever your financial situation, there is hope. Not necessarily that it's easy or quick, but that it's possible. People rebuild from financial setbacks every day. People turn their finances around at every income level. People find their way from anxiety to confidence.

But it starts with truth. It starts with facing what's real right now, without judgment or shame, but with commitment to moving forward.

That's my holiday wish for you: the courage to face your financial reality and the hope that comes from finally knowing the truth.

Wishing you and yours a season of peace, joy, and honest hope.